Today's service was becoming a person of influence, to do so, one part is to share your life with others. Be vulnerable..hence that's what I'm doing in this blog I guess...funny I'm writing longer and longer, and I'm expressing everything so openly...

Was in a pretty bad mood..one reason was because I was late to meet the others to go HQ today...it always happen to me when I tell someone "Don't be late" before the actual day, haiz..then anyway, went there, Thomas Sir kind of like accused us..On Thursday we went for public duty, after that someone reported that the first aiders were unsure of their work and that they are from SAC...I was totally angry..I had wanted to argue but..I don't know, something held me back..part of me know that no matter what, he is still a sir and that I need to respect him..honestly, I'm just so confuse now..what do I think of him? Does he have a grudge against SAC when he told us that he never has a grudge against any school and that he was friends with an officer in SAC for many many years...I guess I need time to work this out..

Funny how easy AFA was..why? Wierd..and there I was the previous day, freaking myself out...

Anyway, went to meet some friends of Evania's...he's very quiet..can't stand him..too quiet..quite tall..looks nerdy..in total: not my kind.

Heh..haha..yarh..took neoprints which I look disgusting in it..haiz..and comparing me now and me then, I used to be so much more photogenic when I was younger, no traces of tireness, no eyebags..no practice smiles..haiz...My eyes are too big too..they're so big that they look very very freaky...ee..speaking about having freaky eyes..

Man..looking at Evania now kind of reminds me of when I was younger then..I have 3 ex-steads...the longest one lasts for about 6 months and the shortest 3 days..hehe, in fact, there was a rumour once that I had 10 boyfriends at a go...rite...like why would I be so desperate? Kk, I know it's very unlike me but I tend to lead people on and toy with their feelings later on..I shouldn't do that..haiz..luckily I stopped liao..guess I settled down and matured and all..though there were times when I wish I did have a stead so that...well, I wouldn't be left out by my cousins..that's how I feel anyway.But I know that wouldn't be fair to the other party..so I didn't do that..anyway, being single is better since there is power to choose with whom you want to be with, no troubles in wanting to see the other everyday and stuff like that...also no feelings of insecurity, not that much anyway...yup..being single is good....:D

Read the entry "Blue" and have been thinking about what I wrote...I wonder why I've become so dependent on people..it seems that I can't depend on myself much...why? Feel rather insecure..I hate it when I'm not in control... Found out that all the cards and stuff that me and Beel used to make to give to my mom are hidden in my cupboard..wow..I'm just so, so honoured and happy...hehe...yet..so sad too...haiz..read "blue" and I guess you'll know why...why have I been so blind and stubborn to all these? Why can't I just cherish my time more and not be so impulsive and hurtful? I need to stop having the feeling of hurting someone as badly as one has hurt me..

Anyway, couldn't concentrate during service...service was..yarh..about visions and stuff, so area gathering was something close to that too..the worship team in area gathering wasn't as good though..still, that's ok I guess..anyway, here is what I'm going to do from July till December and my resolutions:

Spend 20 minutes everyday with God
Finish reading the New Testaments when December comes.

Resolutions:

1)Grow closer to God
2)Do community work e.g. mission trip
3)Take people to church
4)CCA standard to go up like previous times if possible..
5)Do my best for exams (like duh right?)
6)Get into a ministry
7)Lastly, to get over some things and find answers...

I had visions that came true...when I was young, I kept praying that I would have friends whom I feel comfortable with and who likes me for who I really am..

Yup, and it did come true, I have friends now that are very close to me...

I also used to have a vision to be "powerful"in school...and here I am as a Head of a council...

I used to have visions of opening up more..and I find myself doing that now...Visions do come true, though it takes a long time...

Hmm..speaking of church, something shocking happened!!I realize that I was suddenly shorter than Patrina when I was hugging her!!THE HORRORS!!!WHY HAVE I SUDDENLY SHRUNK!!!Ay..whatever..was crapping away..very tired now..haha..fell asleep many times while doing this darn entry..haha..hmm..it's gotta be the shoes I wore that made me so short..that or it's the shoes she was wearing then..whatever it is..I hate being that short..

Ugh..still have homework..so darn many homework to complete...haiz...bless me if I don't die of stress soon...

- #67